Dear Dr. Linda,
It’s here! The Homework Horror Nightmare!
Our 14-year-old son just doesn’t do homework. He’s only in school for one week and we already got emails that he’s missing homework. He’s in the 11th grade and no matter how much we tell him that his grades are affected by this and how this behavior is going to impact which college he’s going to go to, he still won’t do homework. I know you’ve written about this before, but I really didn’t cut out your column because I felt it was going to get better on its own, but it’s just as bad. What do I do?
-Desperate Mom
Dear Desperate Mom,
Here’s a few reasons why many kids won’t do homework and what you need to do.
A child will avoid homework that is too difficult. When children chronically experience assignments or directions that they perceive are confusing, they are likely to become frustrated and/or anxious, eventually avoiding such assignments. Parents usually respond to these children by asking, “Weren’t you listening? Or “Just read the directions!” They were listening or reading, but they might not be able to process the information. This can happen if the child is in a class working at too high a level for them. It can also occur if the child has a learning disability that has not been diagnosed. Talk to their teacher and if the problem is class-wide, hopefully the teacher will evaluate and adjust the nature of their homework assignments. If the problem is limited to your child, they may require additional help from the teacher after school, from you, from a sibling, from a teenager you hire, or from a tutor. Have your child evaluated by a professional in or out of school. If a disability is found, you will receive suggestions and support from the evaluator and the professionals at your son’s school.
Does your child bring home the book and forget the assignment or bring home the assignment and forget the book? Or, he forgets both. Also, does he have difficulty with time management? Sometimes kids may have the best intentions to get the homework done, but somehow it gets lost in their time-maze. It is so difficult for disorganized children to get their homework done that some of them would rather lie, insisting that there is no homework, than be criticized and punished. Help him by having the books at home if books are used, or by contacting his teachers for help.
Are you too involved in your son’s homework or were you ever? Overinvolved parents tend to drive their children toward avoidance, lying and deception. The “Perfectionist” parent demands picture-perfect-homework. Their children hate to let them see their homework papers out of fear that they will judge the work unworthy, tear it up and make them do it again. Besides being tedious and time demanding, in these extreme cases, it is downright disrespectful of the child. Are you or your husband a “helicopter parent?” Do you hover over your son’s every assignment. Not only does this harm kids' self-esteem, it denies them of the opportunity of taking responsibility for their own work. Or, is your son the child of a Pandora box parent. Kids of Pandora box parents tend to deny the existence of any homework they don’t understand because asking mom or dad even the simplest question opens a Pandora’s box. Solution, give short answers, not a long-winded treatise.
Most children don’t want to do homework. But while they may put up quite a fuss, somehow they manage to get the work done. Many children appear unmotivated when in fact they avoid homework to protect their egos. How’s that? Because these children erroneously equate failure with stupidity, their logic is as follows: If they try and fail, it is a reflection of their intelligence. If they don’t try and fail, it is not a reflection of their intelligence; it is due to lack of motivation or irresponsibility. These labels they can live with; the label “stupid,” they can’t! Let your child know that no matter what he brings home is okay, at least he got the assignment done. He was responsible.
Many kids simply cannot keep up with the projects, tests, quizzes, reading and other assignments they are given. Here is a general guide for the typical amount of time children should be expected to spend on homework each school day. Grades K-2, about 10-20 minutes. Grades 3-6, about 30-60 minutes. Grades 7-12 will vary considerably, depending on subjects, projects due, tests, etc., but a reasonable average is about two hours, with more on weekends as needed for major projects and exams. If your child spends considerably more than this on homework, have a conversation with the teacher. If the problem is class-wide, hopefully the teacher will make adjustments. If the problem is limited to your child, perhaps because your child works slowly, or has other issues slowing him down, talk to his teacher and see what can be done to modify his assignments.
-Dr. Linda
If you have a question to ask Dr. Linda about your child or a school related situation, she can be reached at Linda@stronglearning.com.
Comments
No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here