Life's an adventure

Rick Melén

There comes a time in your life when you start to take an informal inventory of all the fun and fantastic things you've done over the years, and you realize that there's a whole wide world of experiences out there that you haven't experienced, and just enough time and energy left to do some of them.

And that's what many people refer to as the "bucket list." It's never too late to create new memories, except if you're too old to remember them.

My friend Richard is a daredevil, an adrenaline junkie, and he checks things off most people's bucket list every weekend. He jumps out of airplanes, for FUN. I don't think I would even be brave enough to go down that inflatable chute if my plane crashed, unless it was connected to a swimming pool heated to at least 82 degrees, and I was pushed. He has skydived more than enough times to be qualified to pack his own parachute, which is considered something of a rite of passage. I would defer to the professionals on that one, because if I can't be trusted to remember to put mayonnaise on my own sandwich, imagine what I could forget to pack in my parachute, like a parachute.

And another thing: Your first few jumps, the instructor goes with you, and HE'S the one attached to the parachute. You're hurtling down the troposphere wearing a guy on your back, and if the chute doesn't open, who's going to be the one on the bottom making a crater in the Earth's crust with his face? ME, that's correct.

Many people want to ride in a hot air balloon once in their lifetime. Some consider it slightly dangerous because the craft just kind of blows through the air at the whims of nature, but I'd feel pretty safe if I was riding in it. "Rick, we're running out of hot air. DO SOMETHING!" And that's when I launch into my story again about how I heroically rescued my family from a fire in our kitchen. They weren't home at the time, and I was the one who had started the fire, but the main thing is, they're safe, and the balloon starts to rise. You're welcome.

"Swimming with the dolphins" is a popular bucket wish. We tried it in Hawaii, and it didn't seem like swimming with humans was high on THEIR bucket list. The dolphins did all the swimming and pulled us through the water while we held on for dear life to a dorsal fin and tried not to drown. At the end they earned a few mackerel, and made that noise like they were laughing at us as we tried to shake the water out of almost every orifice.

Climbing Mount Everest is the ultimate fantasy for some. It's dangerous. At high altitudes, you can begin to experience dehydration, nosebleeds, dizziness, headaches and hallucinations. These things happen to me just getting up from a chair too quickly, so, best of luck to you on that one. Plus, so many people are doing it these days, up to 25,000 a year, that they're depleting the oxygen supply up there.

The northern lights would be a beautiful thing to do before it's too late. What do you consider too late? Northern lights don't come out right after dinner, so make sure you get a nap. We travelled all the way to Alaska, thinking we could see the aurora borealis. When we got to the resort, we stayed up until two in the morning hoping to catch a glimpse, and we asked the lady at the hotel desk when they turn them on. She said, "They're probably going on right now, you just can't see them in the bright sunshine." At quarter to five there was 20 minutes of twilight, but that didn't help much.

We seem to be talking about things that will actually CAUSE you to kick the bucket, so I'll keep my list safe and simple, in case I should happen to live through it. I have things on my agenda like eating two Dairy Queen Blizzards in a row, doing the Sunday Times crossword puzzle in black magic marker, or cutting my cat's nails in the nude. The cat would be nude, not me.

I've always wanted to drive across the country in a tricked-out van, just me, the wife and Trixie the dog. What fun that would be, travelling by the seat of our pants, with no plan, no timetable and no concept of how boring most of the trip might actually be. I quickly realize that even on a trip to Long Island I have to open all the car windows and crank the radio just to keep from falling asleep. We're fighting over what's playing on the radio again. I brought some mix tapes on cassette but I can't locate the cassette player. Also, I'm starving, and hopefully there's a restaurant around soon. But that's neither here nor there, which seems to be a recurring problem.

I guess I don't really have that daredevil gene in me. I'm not the one Carly Simon wrote about when she sang "You flew your Learjet to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun." I'm more the type who's "where you should be all the time." And when I'm not, I'm with some underwear spy or the wife of a clothespin. I'm not really great with lyrics.

Join Rick and Trillium at AJ's Grill in Yorktown, Saturday, Sept. 26, and at Back 9 in Cortlandt on Friday, Oct. 2! Say hello at rlife8@hotmail.com.