Battle of the Bulge

I may not have mentioned that I've lost over 300 pounds. That’s a lifetime stat.

Unfortunately, I gained 350 pounds over the same period. The graph of my weight since high school looks like a sine wave of increasing amplitude. You could say my physique has been Rubenesque, bordering on bovine, most of the time. I have a real skill for losing weight—although I’m even better at gaining it.

We’re currently on a downtick, thanks to my daughter’s wedding coming up in October. I did not want to be waddling down the aisle with her, so I have true motivation. As a procrastinator, I need deadlines to function. Over the past six months, I’ve lost 40 pounds. Well, 42.7 to be exact. The Battle of the Bulge has been never-ending for me, but we seem to be on a good path—at least for now.

I’ve tried many things in my weight loss career. Weight Watchers. Atkins. Keto. The list goes on. I even talked to my doctor—one of those rare times I was able to get an appointment—about Ozempic and the family of GLP‑1 drugs. They sound great. I have several friends who’ve had real success. But he advised against it due to side effects like “Ozempic face” (a sagging of the facial muscles), and loss of bone and muscle mass. Plus, he told me, “You’re not that fat.” It also didn’t help that the drug requires a lifetime commitment—at $1,000 per month. That was a deal-breaker for the cheapskate in me. I had to work on the drug-free approach.

Enter an app called Noom. Noom is a widely popular program that’s like having a shrink, a dietitian and a Weight Watchers coach in your pocket. It constantly nags you to log your meals and count your calories, and it educates you on all your bad choices. A little Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) at no extra charge. Their psychology-first approach seems to work for me. Just why, exactly, am I opening the fridge or tearing into that bag of chips? It helps me understand my triggers. They even provide live counselors for phone and text support to help you through those weak moments. Their published stats are encouraging: nearly 80% of Noom users report weight loss, and 75% of those maintain at least some of it a year later.

A couple of months ago, frustrated that my weight had plateaued, I asked my friends at ChatGPT for some advice. They said I needed to ramp it up and start losing again. Their answer: intermittent fasting. I decided to give it a try. The formula is simple—fast for 20 hours, then do all your eating in a four-hour window. Essentially, one meal a day. I don’t eat until 4 p.m. and I make sure I’m done with dinner by 8. I suppose I could do my one meal in the morning, but then what would I have to look forward to? So far, so good.

The statistics for long-term success are daunting. The University of Michigan reports that roughly 90% of people who lose a significant amount of weight eventually regain almost all of it. Here’s to hoping I can beat the odds. A smaller me needs fewer calories, which may be hard to accept. I need to focus on the benefits of lower blood pressure, better blood chemistry and feeling better to keep me motivated. The long game.

People ask me how I lost weight. The answer is simple: drink less, eat less, exercise more and weigh yourself every day. It’s the execution that’s hard. I’m not throwing away my fat clothes yet—I may need them again.