Old school and proud of it

Kim Kovach

When I returned home from grocery shopping, I checked my answering machine to see if I had any messages.

Yes, I still use an answering machine. There were two messages. My mom’s message had an annoying noise in the background. My mom always has trouble with her cellphone. The second message was from the automated library system informing me that two books have arrived for me to pick up. That message also had an annoying noise in the background. Oh, no. I hope my answering machine is not about to bite the dust!

I don’t do well with technology. It’s the unfamiliarity with learning how to use a new-fangled gizmo and also the unwelcome cost of purchasing the item. Do they even still sell answering machines that plug into your land-line telephone? Yes, I still have a land-line phone, as well as a smart phone. (I do not still own the old tan rotary dial telephone with the really long cord!)

Did you know that old-fashioned manual typewriters are popular now? This retro way of writing has men and women in their 20s and 30s hunting through thrift stores and dusty typewriter repair shops for a Remington or Smith-Corona to display in their apartments. I wish I had kept my old typewriters from high school and college. I remember a favorite teal blue portable typewriter that I tapped away on until late into the night writing all of the college papers required for my double major in creative writing and anthropology.

A few years later I purchased an electric typewriter. After that I bought a word processor. Then my first Dell laptop computer, laser printer, etc. Last year I had to purchase a new HP laptop and inkjet printer because after 15 years my printer finally stopped working and the laptop was basically obsolete.

I still write checks. Yes, I have a checkbook that I use to pay most of my bills. I do not want to turn my entire personal and financial life over to “the cloud” or wherever things go when you hit “send.” No Zelle or Venmo for me.

Recently I watched the numbers on the odometer of my 2009 Toyota Corolla change to 100,000 miles while driving along Route 35. I plan on keeping this reliable car forever. It’s old school without cameras or Bluetooth or GPS. The radio works so I’m good.

I avoid self-checkout lines at the grocery store. A brief two minutes of chit-chat with a live cashier is more personal. Besides, Loren and Bernadette at Greenway Market always comment on my purchases of ice cream, chocolate bars and pesto sauce!

Last week the cable went out. No TV, no internet and no Wi-Fi connection for my printer! I called the cable provider and was informed that “there is an outage in your area” but the AI gatekeeper would not let me speak to a human since I could not remember my PIN number!

Yesterday, while creating a flyer for my fall writing classes, I thought it might be cute to include a color image of a squirrel using a laptop computer. I typed in the search bar, “Color image of squirrel using laptop computer.” The AI assistant popped up to suggest that my best choice would be to look for a “drawing or an animated graphic of a squirrel using a laptop.” The condescending AI assistant continued, “because in real life squirrels do not use laptop computers.” I don’t appreciate snarky comments from a robot!

Kim Kovach’s Fall Fiction Writing classes via Zoom are on her website at kimkovachwrites.com.