The art of avoidance

Lorenzo Garo

“Quitters Day” falls on the second Friday of January.

If you haven’t already guessed, it celebrates failure. Surveys show that New Year’s resolutions are about as durable as a cheap shirt.

One seemingly obvious explanation is overreach, having unrealistic goals and expectations. A less obvious explanation is procrastination. Why wait until Jan. 1 to lose that extra 10 pounds or get your credit card debt down to a reasonable number? It’s the same as putting it off until tomorrow. One wonders if New Year’s resolutions aren’t in themselves not much more than a clever, self-deluding form of procrastination.

Procrastination is not listed in any modern diagnostic manual as a personality disorder. It’s considered a common behavior. Call it the art of avoidance.

The scientific explanation resides in the brains of our ancient ancestors. Facing starvation, cold and wild animals just as hungry as they, their daily lives were nothing if not filled with fear and peril.

The brain regions for language and reason had not yet evolved. Primitive humans adopted a short-term coping strategy. They needed fast, automatic responses to survive: fear to alert them to danger, anger to prompt aggression, joy to ensure they reproduced. Modern humans retain those same emotional responses but now live in a vastly different environment. You might say that we are running Stone Age software on today’s hardware. The brain treats modern threats as if they were ancient dangers. It rewards the quick fix over reason. Depressed and stressed, try a little social media. You’ll feel better. Not getting along with the wife and kids? Get drunk. Toothache? Take a pill to get yourself out of pain and then, before you finally call the dentist, pray for a week. (Prayer is a handy resource for procrastinators.)

Early humans, not yet having the capacity for language and reason, opted for immediate rewards. They reached for whatever got them out of trouble. And so do we. It works.

We are emotional beings who sometimes think. Reason takes time. Individuals would rather avoid than confront their deepest fears, which often involve grief, shame and radical change. Emotion is faster and with very little effort, just a shot of dopamine provides a sense of safety and comfort. Reason is a party pooper.

Modern human beings will do anything to free themselves of fear; actually the fear of fear. Go to the doctor and get a pill, read self-help books by the dozen, find a guru. None of it works. It’s not long before you need another pill, another book, another guru. We imagine that if we run hard enough, fast enough, we will arrive at some magical place. But here is the weird thing: running away from fear only makes fear chase you harder. An apt example on a societal and institutional scale is the $1.5 trillion modernization of our country's nuclear weapons. There are already enough nukes in the world to destroy civilization 10 times over. Does adding more capability make you feel safer? It’s a fantasy. Insecurity is not a problem to be solved. It’s the nature of existence. Nothing is permanent. Not the mountains, the ground we stand on or us. Yet we are conditioned from childhood until our dying days to seek security, to live as if we will live forever. Our culture builds monuments that deny death.

I am suggesting that certainty doesn’t exist. Have you ever driven on the Long Island Expressway at rush hour or had your heart stopped by a fallen pickle jar in the next aisle? True security lies in accepting insecurity, which brings interest, awareness of the now and enjoyment to life.

To cure fear, simply stop trying to cure it. Stop running from, avoiding, however artfully, reason.

Dear reader, Happy New Year and good luck! And if you are interested in a barely used stationary bike, let me know. You can have one for free.