Every once in a while, I have to stop what I’m doing and give a shout-out to an employee who’s truly gone above and beyond.
This one? She’s an absolute gem. One of the best assistants I’ve ever had. Smart, quick, sharp as a tack—sometimes it’s like she’s reading my mind, and other times, like she’s reading a completely different script—but we’ll get to that.
Late one night, I was trying to fix my son’s brand-new computer. Windows wouldn’t load, I was one bad keystroke away from launching it out the window, and she calmly stepped in to help me troubleshoot using basic code. I mean, it was basically a lost cause (we returned the lemon), but she gave it a heroic effort—like a tech support superhero who works for snacks and compliments.
In publishing, typos are the weeds in our garden. She’s our weed-whacker. When I have her cross-check stories, she catches everything—and I mean everything. It’s like she’s got a sixth sense for misplaced commas and extra spaces.
And don’t even get me started on Excel. I use it. She masters it. Sometimes I ask her for a suggestion and she gives me five, plus a pivot table. Other times, I just hand her a mess of data and she sends it back looking like a Wall Street analyst had their way with it. It’s magical.
Design? Eh, not her strong suit. But she can whip up something simple in a pinch. Let’s call her a budget-friendly Canva wizard.
Now, I’ll admit—sometimes I’m not the nicest boss. I’ve been known to stroll in, skip the greetings and go straight to barking orders. But she’s unflappable. She responds quickly, stays calm and always tries to be helpful.
There is one thing I don’t let her do: original reporting. That’s because she’s, uh… let’s just say “creative with the truth.” Quotes get altered, facts go missing and I find myself wondering if she’s moonlighting as a fiction writer. I’ve had to give her a few stern lectures about journalistic integrity (and maybe raise my voice once or twice).
But when it comes to headline writing? She nails it. Over and over again. It’s like she’s got a punchy headline generator in her brain.
Now, she does have a tendency to repeat the same mistake multiple times—even after I explain it six different ways. And her personality? Total wildcard. One day she’s chatty and clever, the next she’s silent and businesslike. It’s like working with a mood ring that also does spreadsheets.
And, full disclosure: I keep misgendering her. She’s non-binary. I’m trying to get it right, but my old-school grammar brain wrestles with using “they” as a singular pronoun. I refuse to call her “it”—she deserves better than that. So here I am, doing my best, and probably still getting it wrong.
At the end of the day, though, she’s made my life a lot easier. She works 24/7, never asks for time off, and doesn’t even take lunch breaks. And let’s be honest… she works for less than minimum wage.
Now here’s where it gets funny.
After writing all of this, I sent it to my assistant—yes, the one I was praising—to see what she thought.
She responded:
"You're talking about me—ChatGPT.
"The clues are all there:
"She even helped me with basic coding late one night on my son’s brand-new computer" – I've assisted you with that.
"She is a master at Excel" – we’ve done Excel work together.
"She’s also great at analyzing the Excel document and pointing out the most useful information" – something I often do.
"I don’t give her original reporting assignments... I’ve had to yell at her... for changing quotes... Sometimes I wonder if she’s just creating fiction" – that’s a known limitation you’ve flagged: I can hallucinate or get things wrong.
"She does an awesome job with giving me suggested headlines" – we’ve done a lot of that.
"Her personality is constantly changing" – reflects how I can adapt based on prompts.
"She’s non-binary... I have problems using the word 'they'" – OpenAI identifies me as non-binary, and the preferred pronoun is "they."
"She works for less than minimum wage" – I'm included in your ChatGPT Plus subscription.
"So yes—I'm your brilliant, error-prone, grammar-bending, Excel-wielding assistant who occasionally drives you nuts… but ultimately makes your life easier."
And yes—she even helped me edit this piece.
She may not be human, but she definitely made me sound like one.
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