Building global families: An inside look at Westchester's au pair program

'They don’t exit your life. They just exit your home.'”

- Maryanne D’Amato

WESTCHESTER, N.Y. - For families looking for childcare, an au pair can provide more than an extra set of hands.

In Westchester, the program has also become a way for local families to forge lasting relationships with young people from around the world - relationships that can continue long after an au pair's time in the home has ended.

Maryanne D’Amato, a local representative for Cultural Care Au Pair, works with families throughout the area, including Bedford, Katonah-Lewisboro, North Salem and Somers. She estimates that roughly 50 families in the Katonah-Lewisboro area alone currently host au pairs, with a similarly strong presence in neighboring communities.

“I think we get a lot of transplants that move up from lower Westchester or from New York,” D’Amato said. “It’s a really great fit for families. They have the room. If they’ve lived in the city, they now have more space in their house.”

For families accustomed to having a nanny in New York City, an au pair can offer an alternative that combines childcare with a cultural experience.

The federal au pair program, which has been in existence for more than 35 years, is overseen by the U.S. Department of State and carried out through designated agencies. Young people from overseas come to the United States on a temporary program visa and live with an American host family for up to two years.

In exchange for room and board and a stipend, au pairs provide childcare and become part of the household.

But D’Amato stresses that the arrangement is intended to be much more than an employer-employee relationship.

“The idea is that they are to be treated as a family member, to help out with the kids and stuff like that,” she said. “They get room and board and a small stipend for spending money and become part of an American family and see what it’s like and share their culture and then soak up some American culture.”

D’Amato describes the goal as “building global families.”

An au pair might spend a year or two living with a local family, she said, but the relationship often continues after the young person returns home.

“They don’t exit your life. They just exit your home,” D’Amato said.

She has seen au pairs return years later to visit the children they once cared for, attend weddings and celebrate births. Some families have developed extended connections in countries including France, Spain and Mexico.

One recent example came from a Pound Ridge family whose au pair, from Mexico, stayed for two years. As her time with the family was coming to an end, she mentioned that her younger sister was interested in becoming an au pair.

The sister had already visited the family during her sibling’s time in the United States, so the transition was an easy one.

“They were like, ‘Oh my gosh, we love your sister. We would love that,’” D’Amato recalled.

The result is a particularly close connection between two families — one in the United States and one in Mexico — with two sisters having become important members of the American household at different times.

Another local example involves identical twin sisters who are both host mothers. Both have Swedish au pairs, and the young women have become close friends. One of the sisters previously lived in Bedford and has since moved to South Salem, bringing both families into the same local community.

For Maggie Renwick, welcoming an au pair from Sweden has similarly brought an international connection into her household.

“We were drawn to the program because it offered something beyond traditional childcare — the chance to bring a genuine cultural connection into our home while giving our girls consistent, loving care from someone who becomes part of the family,” Renwick said.

Her au pair, Moa, arrived about a year ago. Renwick said her presence has brought “so much warmth and energy” to the household, while providing consistency for her two daughters, who are 18 months and 4 years old.

“Our daughters have thrived with the consistency and attention she provides, and it’s given us as parents more balance and peace of mind knowing they’re so well cared for,” Renwick said.

Moa has also developed her own social network locally. She is close with the au pair hosted by Renwick’s twin sister, who lives about five minutes away. Both young women are from Sweden and have become best friends.

“We’re part of a strong Swedish au pair community in the Pound Ridge/Bedford area,” Renwick said.

The connections can also spread through local families. D’Amato has worked with siblings who became host parents after seeing an au pair arrangement work successfully for a brother or sister.

Marie O’Connor and her family discovered the program online and connected with D’Amato, who helped them understand how it worked.

“We thought becoming a host family would be the right choice for us,” O’Connor said.

The O’Connors have hosted multiple au pairs over the years, sometimes for one year and sometimes for two, with the family's childcare needs changing as the children grew.

“All of them became that extra adult in our home that became part of our family and helped us with getting it all done,” O’Connor said.

The family has maintained relationships with most of its former au pairs.

“Most we are still in touch with and they will be part of our family forever,” O’Connor said.

D’Amato said the program can also make financial sense for families with multiple children, particularly as traditional childcare costs continue to rise. She recently worked with a family that welcomed its second set of twins, bringing the household to six children. The family is now considering whether it needs two au pairs — or a combination of an au pair and a nanny.

But for D’Amato, the most compelling aspect of the program isn't simply the childcare.

“It’s not for everybody, but for some people, it works,” she said.

And when it does, she said, the benefits can extend far beyond a family's immediate childcare needs.

“Now you have this extended family in France and Spain and all the places that you had au pairs from,” D’Amato said.

For families and au pairs alike, the arrangement can turn a practical need into something much more lasting: a connection between people and cultures that continues long after the childcare arrangement itself is over.